preparing for the new year

As 2010 comes to a close, it's time to reflect and make plans for 2011. This year has had it's ups and downs, like most years do. I got to visit my family over the summer. It was good too see them. I spent months doing research on my family history and learned some interesting things, but still (frustratingly) cannot find much information about my grandmother's grandfather. I started college. That was huge! I love it even if it does stress me out. That's the one thing I'm really proud of that I did this year. And I got A's in all 4 of my first term classes! I lost 14 pounds this year, too! It took me 10 months and I'm not happy about that, but I'm glad I lost some weight.

So what do I want for 2011? Here's a list of my goals for the year.

1. Lose more weight. (I have a lot more to go.)

2. Keep my GPA up. (I would love to keep a 4.0 but my goal is to keep it at 3.5 or above.)

3. Brush up on my French. (I want to be fluent or at least be able to pass the language proficiency test so I don't have to take more classes later. I found out that www.livemocha.com is a free website for learning languages.)

4. Spend more time with my girlfriend. (We have a list of places we want to go and things we want to do; I want to cross some things off that list this year.)

5. Move into our own place. (Living here is getting too stressful for both of us. It's time to move on.)

6. Get pregnant. (*sigh* I don't know if it will happen, but I still want it to.)

Happy New Year!

Christmas

I'm not feeling all that into Christmas this year. I usually get really excited about it. Not this year. I let Al decorate the tree and hang the stockings. I bought presents and wrapped them, because I had to. But I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow morning. I just doesn't feel like Christmas this year and I don't know why. So I'm planning to just drink and drink some more and hope that "spirits" help get me in the spirit. Plus, I've always wanted to experiment and see how much you had to drink before you forgot the alphabet.

stupid arguments have simple solutions

It's normal to have arguments in relationships. No two people can possibly agree on absolutely everything. How you deal with those arguments determines whether or not the relationship is healthy. I learned all that in Human Relations. So is my relationship healthy? I'm not sure. We tend to argue frequently...mostly over stupid things. I thought maybe I could find a way to prevent those stupid little arguments. I thought if I was more specific when I told her something and if I asked for clarification when I didn't understand what she was saying, it would prevent misunderstandings. Seems simple doesn't it? Did it work? Not really. Take today for example, neither of us felt like making lunch so we decided we should go get something. Being low on money, tacos seemed like a good idea. You can get 10 tacos for $10 at Taco Bell. She said she would go pick them up. She asked me before she left if there was anything else I wanted. I said, "No, just the 10 tacos." She came back with 5 tacos and 5 bean burritos. I was frustrated. I was clear about what I wanted her to get. I said it twice! And still she somehow misunderstood. She said she thought I was talking about meal #10 and forgot that I didn't like bean burritos. I don't get her thinking. All this time I've been assuming that our misunderstandings were because I wasn't being specific enough, but I think this proves that she just doesn't listen to me. So why do I waste my breath? I could just do everything myself from now on. I mean, I can't force her to listen to me or understand me. So why bother? It's just freaking frustrating. She can remember some stupid little thing I said one time 3 years ago and she certainly remembers every single time I said she didn't do something right, but she can't remember what I asked her to get for the 10 minutes it takes to get to Taco Bell? Sometimes I think she does hear me and knows perfectly well what I'm saying, but she just doesn't care because she thinks she knows me better than I know myself. It would not surprise me one bit if she got half burritos on purpose thinking it would be a great surprise that I would love and thank her for anticipating my needs. She gets off on that kind of bent sometimes. She ignores what I say I want and proceeds to give me what she thinks I really want. I'm not that complicated. If I want something I ask for it. She doesn't need to guess. Maybe she just thinks that's how relationships work. She does seem to get frustrated with me if I ask her to be specific about what she wants. It's like she expects me to just know and surprise her. I have no idea how to do that. I don't even know if it's possible. And I'm talking about every aspect of the relationship, not just about buying things for each other. Like I'm supposed to know when she wants a hug. How do I guess that? If she was walking up to me holding her arms out, I could guess. But how to you guess someone is wanting a hug when they're sitting at a computer or watching tv? I'm not nuts to think that's a crazy thing to expect am I?

Strange week. glad it's over

I've been feeling crappy all week. Fevers off and on. Headaches. Exhaustion. I think it's because of the weather and my anxiety over this term ending. Trying to squeeze all this stuff into the last few weeks is wearing on me. This weekend I have been studying for my math final and trying to finish up all my Psych homework. We had 2 worksheets, 2 portfolio assignments, and 3 chapters to read and study before the test next week. I'm overwhelmed.

A few days ago ThugBoy told me his girlfriend broke up with him and he was really upset, but he was going to let her keep living with him because she had nowhere else to go. Then he texted me yesterday and told me that he's moving back to his dad's house so he can save money to come here and live with me for a while. Then he texted me this morning and said he only wants to come for a couple of weeks to visit. I don't know what to think. I think the kid is really confused and needs some time away to get himself together.

My other brother (the one with the crazy wife) called and left a message on my voicemail the other day saying that he was going to admit himself to the psych ward again, but then called back later and said they aren't keeping him. I guess his wife is making his life hell again. She gets her knickers in a twist every few months and decides that he's not good enough for her (even though he does virtually everything for her and treats her like a princess) and she starts seeing someone else. I feel bad for him, but I tried to tell him that marrying her was a mistake and he is the one who is choosing to stay with her. He could get a good job and his own place and be free of her...except for dealing with her when it comes to the kids. He just says he loves her too much and takes her crap, no matter how badly she treats him.

Ok, confession time...kinda. I have a little crush on my writing teacher. It's nuts. I'm happy in my relationship. I would never even think of cheating. But I can't help being attracted to her. I don't even know why I feel this way! I even dreamed about her a couple of times. Not sexual dreams, but in the first one I dreamed that we were sitting in the woods talking about books and in the other we were at the beach and she was teaching me to surf. I'm kind of glad the class is over and I won't see her anymore. Maybe the crush will go away now.