freaking out

I am stressed out so bad I can't sleep and I can't concentrate. I have been working on a scholarship application. I really need a scholarship. I asked 2 people to write letters of recommendation for me; a teacher and a friend. The teacher has been somewhat unreliable in the past so I was scared she would flake on writing the letter. She came through for me and wrote a fantastic letter. My friend, however, flaked. I had planned on turning the letters in on Monday, so I told her I needed it last Friday. She still hasn't given it to me and now I only have 2 days left. I can't ask someone else to write a letter for me and give it to me immediately! I don't know what to do. I asked my friend about the letter on Monday and she said she would have it Tuesday but she didn't. I mentioned it again on Tuesday and she said she would have it Wednesday, but she didn't. I think I'm totally fucked. The only thing I might be able to do is ask CJ to write one for me, but I HATE the thought of that.

Secondly, I'm stressed about this whole apartment thing. We still haven't gotten a call letting us know that it's ours for sure. I just want to know one way or another so I can stop worrying about it.

And I'm also stressed out about my 2 biology projects. The one for Bio Lecture is a group project. I hate working with other people because if they don't do the work, my grade suffers. I'm supposed to meet with my partner today to discuss the project. I haven't even had time to read over the articles I have to take notes. The other project I have to do on my own. I have been doing research, but I haven't had time to sit down and try to put anything together yet. I just have too much other homework. I have no idea how I'm going to get these both done in 3 weeks with everything else that's going on (and hopefully moving next weekend).

I really don't like feeling this much stress. I'm freaking out so bad today that I feel like I'll burst into tears or throw up at any moment. I just want to skip class and sleep, but I know I can't.

apartment woes and other things

Emotional rollercoaster again. We applied for an apartment in the building we want to live in last Monday. They said they'd let us know within 2 days. They called the next day (Tuesday) and said we were approved and just needed to make a deposit to hold the apartment. The GF was really excited, but I wouldn't let myself get excited because something always seems to go wrong when I do. I said I wouldn't get excited until we have the keys. The GF and I talked it over and decided that we wouldn't say anything to CJ until she found out where the Army was sending her. (She was supposed to find out on Friday.) Thursday we went over to the apartment building and made the deposit and signed an agreement on what we would have to pay to move in (not a lease). Friday, I couldn't help myself. I got excited about the move. I went and bought a microwave, a vacuum, and a new printer. I made a list of other things we'd have to get before we move in. Friday evening we get a call from the apartment manager. She said whoever processed our application didn't follow the guidelines and we shouldn't have been approved. She said it doesn't change anything except we need a co-signer who meets their criteria. Now I'm freaking out. We had to tell CJ what was going on and ask her to co-sign for us. She said she would, but she wasn't happy about having to give her financial info to them. We turned in her info yesterday (Monday) and we assumed that would be it. We thought since the manager said it wouldn't affect anything that we would just be waiting for the people in the apartment to move out and then we'd get a call to go pay the rest of the money and get the keys. But when the GF dropped off CJ's info, the manager said she would call us within 2 days and let us know. Let us know what? I have no idea. It makes me think that she was lying when she said that the mistake wouldn't keep us from getting the apartment. I'm thinking if CJ doesn't meet the criteria, we're royally fucked. We'll have to fight with the company that owns the building to get the deposit we already made back and then start looking for another place. I'm not hopeful about being able to qualify for another place if we didn't qualify for that one. The same company owns a bunch of buildings around here...all the ones that would be in the best locations for us to get to school and work. Well, there isn't much we can do about apartments anyway until we find out about this crap, so I guess I should just wait and see. CJ found out yesterday that the post she wanted in Germany was taken by someone higher up on the promotion list. Her choices are now Wisconsin, Idaho, and another state but I can't remember which one. She doesn't like any of them and hasn't said what she's going to do yet. But that changes things for us too. Since she's not leaving the country afterall, we most likely will not be getting her truck or any furniture or anything when she moves. So we have to hope that this apartment works out and that we'll be able to save up to get the things we need...like a car. In the meantime, we'll have to make due with very little furniture. I think we'll end up buying some beanbag chairs to get us by.

This week sucks as far as school goes too. I have 3 tests. I have one in Anthropology today and I'm not prepared at all. I can't remember a damn thing I read because I'm too freaked out about the apartment thing. If I don't get at least a C on this test, I'm seriously considering dropping this class. If I make it through this term without my GPA dropping below 3, it will be a miracle.

complaining again

This week has been crappy. I'm not sure what makes it feel so crappy. It hasn't really been any different than most other weeks. Maybe it's just PMS. I do have a lot on my mind though and I feel overwhelmed. I'm finding it hard to concentrate on my classes. I'm getting the work done, but I feel like I'm not retaining any of the information. Which sucks, because I have a quiz today in Bio and another tomorrow in math. This math class is frustrating the hell out of me. Most of the problems I know how to do algebraically, but they want us to be able to solve some of them using a graphing calculator. I have never used one of those before and I'm having a difficult time learning how to use it. There are so many steps! It's ridiculous to do 40 steps on the calculator to do a problem that I could solve in 10 on paper. I've been cheating on my homework. I've been solving the problems on paper and then trying to make the calculator stuff match up with my answer. That's fine for homework, but I can't do that on the quiz! The teacher said we'll have to demonstrate that we can use the calculator by doing a problem on it during the quiz and having him check off that we did it correctly. I think I'm screwed as far as that one goes. And the worst part is that I know it's only going to get harder as the term goes on. At this point, I'm just praying I can get a B, so I can go on to the next math class in the fall. I only have 1 more to go after this one and I just want to be done with math. It's not just math class either. I am overwhelmed by how much information and work I have to put into my Bio class and Anthropology too. The Anthro class doesn't have a lot of homework, but there's tons of reading and note taking. The Bio class...yikes is all I can say. It's really split into 2 classes; Bio Lecture and Bio Lab. Lab hasn't been too bad so far, but there is a lot of work involved. We have to do homework on the labs before and after. We have a quiz every lab period (once a week) on the previous lab. And then there is the actual lab work. The only good thing about the lab work is that we work in groups of 4, so if I don't understand something I can get another person's take on it. Remembering all that stuff for a quiz isn't easy though. For Lecture, there is way too much information to remember. We have done 3 chapters in a week and a half. All of that info is on the quiz today. I seriously hope it will be mostly multiple choice and true/false. I don't know if I can BS a short answer for this stuff. My Psych class is the same as always. Lots of reading. Lots of homework. The teacher is scatterbrained. She was supposed to post a video for us to watch on our class website on Monday after class. She didn't or I couldn't find it.

There's a bunch of other stuff on my mind too. I'm applying for a scholarship for next term. I needed 2 letters of recommendation for it. One I'm getting a friend to write. I know that she will send it to me on time and it will be great. The second one I asked my psych teacher to write. She said she would, but I know how flaky she is with things like that. She said she would give it to me before she leaves for whatever thing she's doing next week that has her cancelling class. Well I'm pretty sure she leaves this weekend and I still haven't heard anything from her about the letter. I'm not sure if I should ask her or not. I don't want her to think I'm just being annoying about it, because I want her to write good things!

I'm also still freaking out about moving. We still haven't found a place. My gf works later in the day today, so she's going to call a couple of places this morning. I hope we can find out something good. I want to get out of here as soon as we can. Since we know when CJ is leaving, that gives us a concrete deadline and I don't want to leave anything to the last minute. I figure the sooner we move, the better. It is the Army dictating CJ's move after all. They sometimes move deadlines up without warning. I don't want to be stuck with no place to go.

Ugh. I feel like I need a vacation from my life right now.