stupid people, crazy weather, and school

I'm really pissed off at some people (mostly girls) in my math class. They talk all through class...loudly. They were told to be quiet before and moved away from each other, but somehow they have ended up back together and talking again. The professor has stopped saying anything to them. I feel like they're being extremely rude. If they don't care about the class, then they should leave. Because of their talking I'm missing important details of how to do these problems. I wanna Gibbs' slap them all!

There's this other girl in that class that I feel should get an F. She came to the first 3 classes and then disappeared. I assumed she dropped the class. But no, she showed up today after a month and a half of missing classes. She boohooed to the teacher about having 2 jobs and the teacher actually told her that as long as she took the 3 tests she missed before December 12th, she will pass. WTFH? This is college not high school, if you don't come to class for that long, you should fail.

And now the weather. Yesterday it snowed. It hardly ever snows in Portland and never this early in the year. It wasn't a lot of snow really and it all melted, but still it was weird. And then today, it was windy as hell and raining. It was as cold as Frosty the Snowman's balls out there! The wind cut right through all 4 layers of clothes I was wearing. In spite of feeling like a big dork, I wore a scarf and gloves to class today...and I'm glad I did! It's supposed to be even colder and icier tomorrow. Joy oh joy.

There are only a few weeks of school left. I'm excited for this term to be over! I'm not worried at all about passing my Psych class. I know my grades are good. I'm a little worried about the math final. I learned so much that I didn't know before, but it's a lot to have to remember. I'm going to be studying like crazy over Thanksgiving weekend. My writing class, I don't know what to think about. We have only 1 big paper left and I've been working on it. It's worth 30% of our grade so it could really go either way. I have a B so far and I'm hoping to keep it.

I signed up for next term's classes on Friday. I'll be taking Psych 201, Writing 122, Math 65, and a class that's supposed to help with test anxiety. I'm excited about the psych class. The math is more algebra, so I'm a little worried about it. I'm dreading the writing class. I only decided to go ahead and take it so I could get it over with. It's the last writing class I'm required to take. The only bad thing about getting it out of the way is that starting in Spring term, I'll have to take science classes: Chemistry, Biology, Anthropology, and Environmental Science. I have to take them all at some point in the next 2 years. And I think 2 of them have to have labs to count toward my degree. (Sarcastic) Yipee!

craaaap

Out of nowhere my writing professor tells us we have to have one-on-one conferences about our final papers. I so don't want to do that. I mean, handing in a paper and having it graded is one thing, but sitting there having your teacher pick apart your essay in front of you is seriously another thing altogether. I'm not good with that kind of thing. I'm sensitive about what I write. And having to discuss things with teachers ties my stomach in knots and makes me feel like I'm going to puke.

more random rambling

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. My final paper for writing class kept popping into my mind. I thought I was going to write about one thing and then when I did a little research, I couldn't find enough sources to back up my idea. I was awake thinking about it last night and I think I hit on a better idea. I think I'm going to write about obedience and authority. Not quite sure how I'm going to connect that to one of the writers we read, but I have a clear idea of what I want to write at least. This paper is going to take a lot of work. It's longer than the others I had to write. We have to include 2 outside sources, in addition to connecting the idea to one of the writers we read. (I'm thinking I'll use either Levi-Strauss or Thoreau.) I'm thinking I can use Philip Zimbardo (learned about him in Psychology) as one of my outside sources, but I need to find another. I've tried outlining this essay and it's impossible! Outlines don't really work for me. I have to just write and see where it goes and then go back and fix it when I'm done. I can totally see 20 drafts of this paper in my future. Thank goodness we have almost a month to write it.

The gf and I are both battling colds. Everyone seems to be getting sick. I expected to catch something because the "kids" I sit in class with all day are nasty. They don't cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze and I have seen more than one of them either picking their nose in class or wiping their nose on their sleeve. Gross! I didn't expect the gf to get sick though. She hardly ever gets sick. She insists that she didn't catch it from me because her symptoms aren't exactly what mine were, but I don't believe it. She must be really run down though to get sick. That makes me worry a little. She could really use some time off work to relax. That place is insane. Speaking of the evil place...she found out a few days ago that she won't have any choice anymore in what days she has off. This coming after fighting with her boss about not getting the day off that she was requesting anyway. Now his boss is saying that shifts can't submit availability forms anymore. It looks like after the holiday she will have Sundays and Mondays off. That really sucks. We won't be able to do much together. Sundays CJ will be home and Mondays I have classes. I really hate how everything is affecting our relationship. We're both always tired because of work and school. There's so much tension and walking on egg shells and crap with CJ that it's nearly impossible to relax at home. We haven't shared a bed in months. We've become more like roommates than a couple and I hate it. The only reason I'm not freaking out more is because I'm trying to keep my mind focused on what we need to do to move into our own place. It's hard though. Some days I really miss the way we used to be and it feels like we'll never get it back.

Random thoughts

I'm sitting in the library on campus, ignoring my homework because I have a long weekend coming up and I will need something to do then. And I'm thinking. I'm always thinking and sometimes it gets me into trouble. This thinking was more about what's going on with me than anything that could potentially get me into trouble. I was wondering why it is that I don't feel motivated to write as often as I used to. When I was severely depressed I wrote for hours at a time. Now that I'm more content, have I nothing to say? I suppose I could blame it on how little time I seem to have, but that's not accurate either. I do have free time when my homework is finished. I could write, but instead I find myself playing games online or staring blankly at Facebook. Such a waste of time. I felt like writing this morning. That old itch was there. The one that will only be satisfied when there's a pen in my hand. I didn't listen to it. I suppose that's why I am writing this now. The click of the keys isn't as satisfying as scribbling words into a notebook, but it alleviates the anxious "I-Must-Write" feeling a little.

I know these urges to write come from some desperate part of my soul which believes we are a writer. Instead I choose to study psychology. I think I'd be happy studying Literature just as well, but the choice is mostly about money and sanity. Not that I can make more money as a therapist, but what I make will be more consistent. I have had enough inconsistency in my life. I want a steady job with regular pay so at the end of the day I can relax knowing my bills are paid and I will still have a home tomorrow. And sanity, well I never have enough of that! I chose psychology over becoming a professional writer because writing is a solitary pursuit. Interactions with other human's is minimal for the writer. I have enjoyed the solitude of my mind, but I want to help others in a more tangible way.

What does it all mean? I'm not sure. I know in my heart, I still want to write. At the same time, I'm passionate about psychology. *sigh* I just hope I don't end up writing 50 self-help books that no one reads! *grin*

15 Authors

The Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen authors (poets included) who've influenced you and that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes.

1. Ayn Rand




2. Virginia Woolf




3. Ralph Waldo Emmerson




4. Walt Whitman




5. Emily Dickinson




6. Edna St. Vincent Millay




7. Marion Zimmer Bradley




8. Maya Angelou




9. Leo Tolstoy




10. Jane Austin




11. Sylvia Plath




12. George Orwell




13. Harper Lee




14. Fannie Flagg




15. Mark Twain