I hate being emotional. I hate feeling like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment. I hate ending up crying for stupid reasons. I hate that I get sulky and irritable. On days like this I really hate being me.
Today I saw some stupid movie with some kid who had lost her mom. Naturally, I burst into tears. Twenty minutes later I was finally able to pull myself up from a fetal position and stop crying for my own lost mommy. That is so pathetic I don't even have words for how pathetic it is. I'm 28 freakin years old and I was crying for my MOM!
I woke up crying last night from a nightmare too. I dreamed that I was running around the place where I grew up, trying to find my father and his sister. Both of them are gone, but in the dream they were waiting for me and I couldn't find them. I hate dreams like that. What the heck is it supposed to mean? I keep having really weird dreams and they bother me. It's gotten to the point where I try not to fall asleep. And forget letting myself go lie down in my bed. I can't bring myself to do it. I've been sleeping in the living room with the tv on for almost a week.
UGH! I hate that I get still like this when I'm on a "depressive cycle". Not that a "manic cycle" is better. I want a more even level but I refuse to take meds. I can't handle being a zombie either. Some days I really wish I could be someone else for a little while so I don't have to deal with me.
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Its not pathetic that you were crying for your mom. Family has always been important to you and I would think there to be something wrong if you didn't miss her and cry sometimes. I know it sucks at times to be emotional. I get the same way. I cry my eyes out and then feel like an idiot. Honestly, we are just crazy, out of our mind people... lol j/k. Hope that last comment got a smile. Trust me I know how you feel when you say you wish you could be someone else for a while. I don't think you would function well on meds either. You are to fun and outgoing. Can't imagine you being a zombie. I love you and if you ever need to talk I'm here. Just remember we are the normal ones, the rest of the world is all wrong. :)
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