not sure what's going on with me

I'm in a really pissy mood today. I don't know that there is one specific reason for it. It's more of a combination of things.

For one thing, the weather is shitty. It's been snowing all week and freezing at night making the roads impossible to drive on most of the time, so I haven't been out of the house much. Having to stay indoors all the time drives me crazy. I need fresh air! I get so antsy that I can't sit still; I can't concentrate on anything. I end up smoking way too much (I still haven't been able to kick the habit) or I end up eating too much and feeling sick.

The second reason is connected to the first but it also involves my lack of money. It's almost Christmas and I haven't bought a present for my girlfriend yet...because I was waiting for my sister-in-law to give me the $200 that she owes me. She said she hasn't been able to get to the bank because of the roads. Understandable. But I don't think she has any intention of giving me the money. In fact, I'd lay odds she's already broke. The woman spends without thinking. She can blow an entire $1600 paycheck in 2 days and have nothing to show for it. But because I'm a jobless loser I don't have any money and I was counting on her paying me back so I'd be able to buy a present for my girlfriend. Now I feel like a total ass because I might have nothing to give her on Christmas morning.

I'm getting so fed up with everything.

I can't find a job. I couldn't even get hired at McDonalds because I have a 5 year gap in my employment that I don't want to have to explain. I feel like such a worthless piece of shit.

I'm fed up with my girlfriend's work schedule. Because of other people where she works limiting their availability, she has to work opening shifts almost every day. She's up at 2am and at work by 4:30. When she gets home between 1 and 2, she's so exhausted that all she can do is have lunch and go to sleep. She sleeps until dinner. After dinner we watch Jeopardy and then she's got to go to sleep so she can wake up early. I hate that when we're actually together, she's asleep! We don't talk anymore. And to make things worse, I have insomnia now!

ARGH!!!!

I feel like smashing something.