I'm sitting in the library on campus, ignoring my homework because I have a long weekend coming up and I will need something to do then. And I'm thinking. I'm always thinking and sometimes it gets me into trouble. This thinking was more about what's going on with me than anything that could potentially get me into trouble. I was wondering why it is that I don't feel motivated to write as often as I used to. When I was severely depressed I wrote for hours at a time. Now that I'm more content, have I nothing to say? I suppose I could blame it on how little time I seem to have, but that's not accurate either. I do have free time when my homework is finished. I could write, but instead I find myself playing games online or staring blankly at Facebook. Such a waste of time. I felt like writing this morning. That old itch was there. The one that will only be satisfied when there's a pen in my hand. I didn't listen to it. I suppose that's why I am writing this now. The click of the keys isn't as satisfying as scribbling words into a notebook, but it alleviates the anxious "I-Must-Write" feeling a little.
I know these urges to write come from some desperate part of my soul which believes we are a writer. Instead I choose to study psychology. I think I'd be happy studying Literature just as well, but the choice is mostly about money and sanity. Not that I can make more money as a therapist, but what I make will be more consistent. I have had enough inconsistency in my life. I want a steady job with regular pay so at the end of the day I can relax knowing my bills are paid and I will still have a home tomorrow. And sanity, well I never have enough of that! I chose psychology over becoming a professional writer because writing is a solitary pursuit. Interactions with other human's is minimal for the writer. I have enjoyed the solitude of my mind, but I want to help others in a more tangible way.
What does it all mean? I'm not sure. I know in my heart, I still want to write. At the same time, I'm passionate about psychology. *sigh* I just hope I don't end up writing 50 self-help books that no one reads! *grin*
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You are a magnificent writer. I also believe that you would make a great therapist. So make therapy your full time job and just write on the side when you get that "itch". It may take longer to get anything written that way but atleast you get the best of both worlds.
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